It was actually really nice because the day before we left the hosts had their cleaning lady come - so we didn’t have to do anything. That was amazing. Before she came though, Kris said: “We'll have to remove some of our most egregious shit smears before she arrives, lest she think we're fucking cavemen.” Ha. So we did.
Read MoreWe went and sat on the nearest bench and it was in the direct sunlight, but it was just cool enough that it was okay for a minute. But I always take longer to eat than him, so eventually he said, “Hork your ‘wich, gurrrrrl! I’m gettin cooked!”
Read MoreAnother evening we were enjoying the back patio and then the fucking dogs just started yapping. I said, “Goddamit Daisy, shut up, you're disturbing the peace.” And he said, “Imabout to go disturb the peace…..” (take a shit.)
Read MoreWe ate outside and My boyfriend's chair was in the sun and I saw him be annoyed at that.
I said: you can move your chair over here.
And he said: yeah, but I don't wanna have to. I want life to stop raw doggin' me.
Read MoreFucking fuuuuuuck our time in France was a super mixed bag. If I could go back in time and just straight up not do it, I think I probably would. But that’s sort of a moot point. It was so fucking lovely meeting Kris’ French teacher and her husband though. They literally saved the trip and are the reason I will look back on it fondly.
Read MoreHot damn, Scotland was fun! Coming off of a week in Budapest in an Airbnb, we were excited to head to our first housesitting gig -- albeit a little nervous that it was too good to be true. Thankfully it wasn’t! And they were a lot of other things about our time there that just made the experience as a whole really fucking fantastic.
Read MoreAfter he was done we decided to walk over to a nearby mexican food place we had visited on our last trip and get burritos for dinner. He was farting a lot on the walk home, but just casually farting like mid-sentence, so I said -- “I can’t talk to you when you’re frothing at the butthole.”
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