Earlier in the day at Kenwood House we had learned that there was this old Lord Whoever The Fuck guy who had a bunch of kids with all his different mistresses and was generally kinda freaky and we overheard the docent describe him by saying:
Read MoreAll in all Stuttgart was nothing to write home about and the only reason we were there was for the car shit. On our way home we were in time for the grocery store so we grabbed some to-go salads for dinner and headed back to our little cave room for the night.
Read MoreWe went to the best coffee shop…basically just — when you see a machine like this and you see a seasoned gentleman behind the coffee bar….it’s going to blow your mind. And you automatically get a Portuguese custard tart on the side. Like. What?
Read MoreWe were nervous about going to Krakow. We had booked two weeks there and what if it was the same shit? The train ride to Krakow didn’t help. It was your average shitty train that went through the most boring stretch of land I’ve ever seen.
Read MoreMe: I just don't want a cow to buck us into next Tuesday.
Him: Cows don't do that. Plus there wasn't a sign warning us of aggressive cows.
Me: Right but how often do they check that shit? It's not like someone's out here everyday checking they haven't gone mad cow.
Read MoreAberdeen seemed adorable and right away I loved it so much more than Edinburgh. We had another mile walk to our Airbnb and another self check in since our hosts weren’t home. The house was super darling and old and quirky. Our room was big and the bed was gigantic and comfortable.
Read MoreWe explored a lot of the coastal towns on the bus -- a favorite was Llandudno -- until we got attacked by a fucking seagull on the boardwalk!! Bwahaha. That was kind of fucked up. Kris was just eating a sandwich and a seagull attacked from behind and snatched a chunk of the sandwich literally out of his actual hand.
Read MoreEvery single person we encountered was so cheerful and friendly -- I love the English for that. It's all real human interaction. Even the dude who sold us our airport train tickets and Oyster cards -- he was so witty and lovable.
Read MoreGetting to London has never been so fucking chill.
Read MoreDue to the dark pit that was 2017, we haven't left our house or Phoenix in 18 months. That's a really long time to be "stuck". In the grand scheme of life it's just another deep dark valley amidst the peaks, but when you're in it -- a year and a half is a fuck of a long time.
Read MoreSo. I did something out of total desperation — I called the airline and made up an elaborate family emergency lie and pleaded and really played it up and got the woman to change our flights without charging us. Basically we were booked on a flight the next evening at 6pm and she just booked us on the 6pm flight that same day.
Read MoreTonight we fly to Dublin and are looking forward to spending the last few days of our trip in an English speaking country that is very familiar to us. Dublin, then New York, then home on Wednesday. Whew!
Read MoreOur host was fucking weird. She was like, "I'll be down on the beach and if you can't find me there just ask around town - everyone knows me". I was like.....the fuck? Fuck you. Come and check us in, bitch. You want us to walk around town with our luggage, in a city we're unfamiliar with full of people who speak a language that we don't and fucking "ask around"?
Read MoreSoon after it started to get super hot and we started to lose our spunk. The streets were tiny and packed solid with other dumbass tourists. We walked around as best we could, but it was quickly becoming miserable.
Read MoreOn the ride there, Kris coordinated with Drew - the cute American boy we had met at the pub in Brighton. He ended up meeting us, along with his traveling partner, at the end of the bus route.
Read MoreWe are NOT having bad nachos after this six course shit.
Read MoreAll the trains were cancelled, but they promised buses and taxis to replace the trains and get us top the airport on time.
Read MoreI told him his shrimp looked like baby dicks, he told me my salad looked like a pig's asshole. Makes sense.
Read MoreToday was a travel day so we woke up and started cleaning and packing before heading to Green Cafe for breakfast. Important things were discussed and googled, including "butterfly butthole tattoo".
Read MoreThe British Museum was our next stop and that was awful. It was gigantic and super hot inside on account of all the old shit that needed the proper humidity, and filled with gaggles of idiot tourists flocking to see the "greatest collection of art in the world". Maybe so, but it was not pretty inside, very poorly laid out and not engaging or accessible at all. We walked around for maybe 30 minutes and then got the fuck out of the there.
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