COCK &amp; CROW

We were nervous about going to Krakow. We had booked two weeks there and what if it was the same shit? The train ride to Krakow didn’t help. It was your average shitty train that went through the most boring stretch of land I’ve ever seen.

Sep 5

Sep 5 A Month in Paradise a.k.a. The Lake District

Me: I just don't want a cow to buck us into next Tuesday.

Him: Cows don't do that. Plus there wasn't a sign warning us of aggressive cows.

Me: Right but how often do they check that shit? It's not like someone's out here everyday checking they haven't gone mad cow.

Aug 18

Aug 18 A week in Scotland {Edinburgh & Aberdeen}

Aberdeen seemed adorable and right away I loved it so much more than Edinburgh. We had another mile walk to our Airbnb and another self check in since our hosts weren’t home. The house was super darling and old and quirky. Our room was big and the bed was gigantic and comfortable.

Aug 12

Aug 12 Two Weeks in Wales {Colwyn Bay and the north coast}

We explored a lot of the coastal towns on the bus -- a favorite was Llandudno -- until we got attacked by a fucking seagull on the boardwalk!! Bwahaha. That was kind of fucked up. Kris was just eating a sandwich and a seagull attacked from behind and snatched a chunk of the sandwich literally out of his actual hand.

Jul 30

Jul 30 A four-day London Whirlwind

Every single person we encountered was so cheerful and friendly -- I love the English for that. It's all real human interaction. Even the dude who sold us our airport train tickets and Oyster cards -- he was so witty and lovable.

Jul 15

Jul 15 The Norwegian Flight

Getting to London has never been so fucking chill.

Jun 28

Jun 28 How quickly things can change

Due to the dark pit that was 2017, we haven't left our house or Phoenix in 18 months. That's a really long time to be "stuck". In the grand scheme of life it's just another deep dark valley amidst the peaks, but when you're in it -- a year and a half is a fuck of a long time.

Sep 24

Sep 24 Cinque Terre > Barcelona > Paris> Amsterdam

Tonight we fly to Dublin and are looking forward to spending the last few days of our trip in an English speaking country that is very familiar to us. Dublin, then New York, then home on Wednesday. Whew!

Sep 12

Sep 12 Southern Italy can suck my balls {Italy, Part Two}

Our host was fucking weird. She was like, "I'll be down on the beach and if you can't find me there just ask around town - everyone knows me". I was like.....the fuck? Fuck you. Come and check us in, bitch. You want us to walk around town with our luggage, in a city we're unfamiliar with full of people who speak a language that we don't and fucking "ask around"?

Sep 12

Sep 12 Shitty Beds, Sexy Men, and Bastardized Balsamic {Italy, Part One}

Soon after it started to get super hot and we started to lose our spunk. The streets were tiny and packed solid with other dumbass tourists. We walked around as best we could, but it was quickly becoming miserable.

Sep 12

Sep 12 Two Beers, Two Brats, Two Betches {A week in Germany}

On the ride there, Kris coordinated with Drew - the cute American boy we had met at the pub in Brighton. He ended up meeting us, along with his traveling partner, at the end of the bus route.

Aug 30

Aug 30 Lunch at The Old Stamp House {a glorious tasting menu}

We are NOT having bad nachos after this six course shit.

Aug 24

Aug 24 A Long Weekend in the Lake District

All the trains were cancelled, but they promised buses and taxis to replace the trains and get us top the airport on time.

Aug 17

Aug 17 Weiner-Dog, White Russian's, and Waterfalls {Newcastle-Upon-Tyne}

I told him his shrimp looked like baby dicks, he told me my salad looked like a pig's asshole. Makes sense.

Aug 14

Aug 14 Should we get him a Newcastle hooker?

Today was a travel day so we woke up and started cleaning and packing before heading to Green Cafe for breakfast. Important things were discussed and googled, including "butterfly butthole tattoo".

Aug 14

Aug 14 Lying ass bitches, a dumb ass museum, and all the gravy.

The British Museum was our next stop and that was awful. It was gigantic and super hot inside on account of all the old shit that needed the proper humidity, and filled with gaggles of idiot tourists flocking to see the "greatest collection of art in the world". Maybe so, but it was not pretty inside, very poorly laid out and not engaging or accessible at all. We walked around for maybe 30 minutes and then got the fuck out of the there.

Aug 2

Aug 2 NYC-Dublin-Rome-London {Week One}