How the Chakras Dictate Our Relationship Dynamics (mind blown)
In a recent BodyTalk session, the concept of the chakras relating to relationship dynamics came up. I like the idea of the chakras and their development in 7 year cycles starting at birth (explained below). Looking back on my own life, I’ve always found insight when relating where I was at in my life to what chakra I was in at that time.
What I had never thought about was the fact that when two people come together in a relationship, be it a parent and child, lovers, friends, etc. - that relationship has an energetic body. And that body also has chakras. If the chakras are stunted, so is the relationship.
Brilliantly interpreted and expressed by Danielle in the session was the concept that parents are growing and changing right alongside their children. As a human goes from baby to toddler to child to teenager to young adult and so on - their parent(s) are going through shifts as well.
It made me then think about intimate relationships. While they don’t follow the 7 year cycle of development because the relationship isn’t started at birth, they develop in the same order. And they’ll develop as quickly or slow as they’re able. Or you’ll get stuck somewhere. And this concept can totally give you insight as to where your relationship is stunted.
You may find it helpful to reread this several times so you can think about:
- Yourself. What was going on in your life during each chakra cycle? What is the resulting foundation of that chakra? For example, from 14-21 all I saw was my mom and her self worth relying on whatever guy was paying attention to her. I had a lot to unravel there with regards to my own self worth when I realized that in my later 20s.
- Your relationship with your parents. What were they going through during your life stages? How are they stunted if they disconnected from you (and when)? Or - how your relationship flourishes because they were present for every part of your evolution? For example, my partner hasn't lived in the same city as his mom for 20 years, but their relationship is solid because they remained bonded and connected. She was/is growing and changing right along with him.
- Your relationship with your children - apply the same concepts mentioned above.
- Your intimate relationships. Think back on them. And dissect your current one, if applicable. See how the good and the bad relate to the chakras of your relationship developing (or not).
First, let me give you my basic, white girl explanation of the chakras:
The Root Chakra
- Located: base of the spine
- Represents: Your foundation. Feeling grounded.
For an individual human, you’re developing this chakra from birth to age 7, which makes sense because that age range is when our survival depends on the love and care that we get. And however we receive that love and care, or lack thereof, is our foundation. And why some of us never feel grounded.
Parent/child relationship: makes sense for the baby/child, but also for the adult. They’re becoming a parent, whether it’s for the first time or the fifth time. Their foundation for parenting is being built just the same
Intimate relationship: makes sense that this would be the first thing you build. Because obviously at the beginning of a relationship, that’s what you’re doing: building your foundation.
The Sacral Chakra
- Located: lower abdomen/pelvic area
- Represents: sexuality and creativity.
For an individual human, you’re developing this chakra from 7-14. Makes sense because in this age range we’re discovering our body parts, we go thru puberty towards the end of it, and we’re amazingly creative - we still dance like nobody's watching, draw dumbass pictures and don’t even have the concept of what people will think (well, until the tail end of the chakra…) If your creativity was stunted, or sexuality shamed - this can be why we feel we don’t deserve pleasure, or have creative blocks, or issues with sex.
Parent/child relationship: As a child is creating things and expressing things and dancing like nobody's watching - what does this bring up in the adult? Does it remind them of something they’ve lost? Can it bring them back to being more present and joyful? And as a child discovers their body parts and sexuality, this would trigger any issues the parent(s) have around this as well.
Intimate relationship: I’m speaking generally here and just trying to make it all relatable. So, once you're past the root chakra and have decided this person is stable and things are good - you probably start having sex. And you’re probably starting to talk about things in a more futuristic way (creating). Making plans for next weekend, to meet the parents, a vacation, etc.
The Solar Plexus Chakra
- Located: upper abdomen/stomach
- Represents: self worth
For in an individual human, you’re developing this chakra from 14-21. Which sucks because 14-21 is THE WORST. We’re teenagers, we’re flooded with sex hormones, puberty, we’re wildly self conscious, super sensitive and in such a delicate state of figuring out who we are. So it’s no wonder that most of our self worth and self love sucks, since we were building it at that shitty time.
Parent/child relationship: It’s the same thing, right? As a teenager/young adult is going through all the shitty stuff you have to go through at that age - it will trigger anything in the parent(s) that in unresolved - their painful memories, their relationship with self love, etc.
Intimate relationship: This is when we tell each other our stories. The good, the bad, the ugly. Our true selves. And we’re (hopefully) loved for it anyway. And this is like winning the self worth lottery: to have another human truly see you and still want to be with you.
The Heart Chakra
- Location: the heart, duh - your chest basically
- Represents: C’mon….I bet you could guess….ding ding ding! Love.
For an individual, you’re developing this chakra from 21-28. Logical, because this is a common time to begin engaging in deep, intimate relationships and falling in love. Also common for people to start passion projects or be in a line of work that really ignites their soul and is meaningful. You have the freedom and are generally encouraged to do stuff like this before you are at the point of thinking about “starting a family and settling down”. Do it while you’re still young and all that jazz.
Parent/child relationship: as a young adult is in their heart chakra, falling in love and doing things they're passionate about - that’s got to tug on the heartstrings of a parent in a big way. As they watch their child move farther and farther away from the nest, away from needing them….as a parent is less and less able to protect them….It’s like watching a piece of your heart float away.
Intimate relationship: You’re probably thinking about love and saying it out loud.
The Throat Chakra
- Located: Your big toe. Just kidding - it’s in the throat.
- Represents: Communication. Your Voice. What you want.
For an individual human, you’re developing this chakra from 28-35. It’s important for us to be seen, heard, and understood. Generally at this age we’re semi-solid in who we are as people and what we want, so it makes sense that this would when communication was fully developed. It's a common time frame to get divorced, change jobs, and change your circle of friends.
Parent/child relationship: also cool for the parent/child relationship because this is the time when the kids have grown into themselves. They’re more stable and you’re able to connect with your parent on a whole new level as you yourself are probably thinking about becoming a parent (or already are) or thinking about “settling down” (or already have) so there’s a whole new level of stuff to bond over.
Intimate relationship: Now that we’re fucking and we’ve “seen” each other and we love each other, it’s time to talk about what we really need and want from life, our plans, our dreams, what’s not working for us, etc.
The Third Eye Chakra
- Located: between your eyes, middle of your brow
- Represents: Intuition
For an individual human, you’re developing this chakra from 35-42. Your intuition is rich, you have a deepening connection to your spiritual side, and your ability to see the big picture is there.
Parent/child relationship: and now, as an adult - it’s way cooler to talk to your parents, you’re much more relaxed and centered - your intuition is more fine tuned and you can connect over the wisdom you have at this age.
Intimate relationship: Now that we’ve proclaimed our love, our relationship only deepens from here. We’ve been together for a while now and we’re so connected. Maybe we experience synchronicities together and feel like we’re made for each other. A higher power (God, Channing Tatum, Buddha, who the fuck ever) has brought us together and we’re grateful.
The Crown Chakra
- Located: Top of the head
- Represents: Your connection to source
For an individual human, you’re developing this chakra from 42-49, which is a common time for a “midlife crisis” - a time when we go, “Oh shit! Why am I here. What is the meaning of life. I might die soon so I better get on it.” You know what I mean.
Parent/child relationship: As the “child”, if you’re lucky enough to still have parents alive when you reach this stage - it’s likely an incredible mirror. You’re reaching that midlife crisis point which is bucking right up against where your parents are with possibly declining health, their own regrets about what they missed, and their incredible wisdom on what’s truly important and worth living for.
Intimate relationship: We see the bigger picture. We have the perspective to help us through the tougher times. We’ve found meaning and a deep gratitude for our partners. We look back on our history and are proud of how we’ve grown and changed together.
From there - you start over. 49-56 is root, 56-63 is sacral, and so on.