Let's stop with these bullshit declarations of what love can be

I've seen some really scary shit going around lately about what love is.

People posting poetic declarations that love is "slamming doors and saying harsh words, but knowing you have the comfort of coming home to the same person."

People proudly stating that they're "still together" like it's some kind of contest you win for withstanding someone treating you like shit. 

That love is not snuggling and giggling and making breakfast together. 

That love is texting and dating apps and Facebook relationship status updates. 

Why are we perpetuating this idea of love? That love is losing patience and petty fights and hurt feelings but you've managed to "stay together". Why is this what we've accepted as what love should look like? 

The measure of a good relationship is not how long you've been together, but how well you treat each other. 

Respect is not optional. Love and kindness isn't something you show your partner only when you're in a good mood or it's a convenient time. 

If you have a bad day and take it out on your partner - that's a problem. 

If life is crazy and you're treating each other like shit because of all the stress you're under - that's a problem. 

If you can only be nice to each other when you're having a fantastic day - that's a problem. 

If you're throwing fucking adult tantrums - that's a problem. 

If you're not on the same side no matter what - that's a problem.

I wrote my own motherfucking ideas about what love is because this is what I know to be true. This is what I want other's to know is possible for them. That love is cuddles and rainbows and that if you're regularly giving each other the silent treatment and hurting each other's feelings and accepting this as the norm simply because you're in a long term relationship....it doesn't have to be like that.


So, without further ado. Here's what love can be:

Love is....snuggling on the couch, and hardly even flinching when the other person farts

Love is....Cuddling every night before falling asleep

It's waking up in the morning genuinely excited you are alive and get to spend another day with this person

It's peeing in matching urine vessels in the middle of the night because neither of you can be bothered to walk to the bathroom

It's emptying the other's piss vessel without a second thought

It's not taking the last few bites of ice cream without offering them first

It's knowing how they take their coffee and making it for them every morning

It's receiving that coffee with a heart swell and a smile even though it's the 500th day in a row

Love is holding hands, hugging, and sweet affection all the time for no reason at all

It's giving them the last Costco sample

Love is running into the bathroom for a poop emergency without a second thought while the other person is showering 

It's smashing bugs because you know it grosses her out and you're happy to do it for her

It's folding laundry because you know he hates doing it

Love is one person sweeping and the other person following with the mop 

Love is supporting each other in your individual interests, friendships, and passions

It's encouraging each other to try new things, to be better, to follow your bliss

Love is checking jealousy, pettyness, and condescention at the mother fucking door

It's being emotionally responsible for yourself

It's choosing to be together every day

It's committing to each other's happiness, even if that means being together is not the ultimate answer

Love is transparency. It's all weapons and defenses down at all times because there's simply no need. It's raw and real. 

It's effortlessly practicing respect and consideration every day

Love is sitting side by side picking goofy cell phone photos from the last year that you want to print out and put on the fridge

Love is enjoying your alone time while also being so ready for the other person to come home

It's getting to the root of every disagreement because a genuine understanding of the other person is the ultimate goal

It's calling each other out, it's having uncomfortable conversations, it's pushing each other to dig deeper

Love is being able to say that dress cuts you weird or that shirt doesn't fit or you need a haircut because you want the other person to look their best

It's getting each other off the couch to go to the gym even when neither of you really feels like it

Love is being healthy together

It's meal planning and grocery shopping and cooking fresh vibrant food together

It's indulging together, splurging together, enjoying the finer things in life together because it's a Tuesday night and you can

Love is eating someone's pussy like a champ

It's having sex every day

It's not having sex for weeks but knowing it's just a phase

Love is talking about sex and asking for what you want and need

Love is masturbating next to each other because you're too tired to have sex

Love is knowing you can say what's on your mind. Even if it's embarrassing or you feel stupid or it seems to dark or weird. 

It's knowing you'll always be met with curiosity and acceptance

Let's spread this idea of how love can be. 


You guys. This is real. If you're shaking your head thinking, "Yeah, yeah - but they're just lucky. This isn't how it's going to be/this isn't how it is for me."

I used to think the same thing. I was in bad relationships. I was married, and then divorced. I thought what I wanted was a fantasy. 

It wasn't. It was me doing the work to get to where I needed to be. 

I sat down and broke it all down into steps for you guys because I got so many questions about it. How did you do it? How can I find this? How can I get my partner on board? I'll show you exactly how. I wrote a badass e-course in conjunction with my partner, Kris. If you go through all the modules and do the homework and soak it all in - you can have everything you've ever wanted too. Check it out!