2 Months in Perth, Scotland {January & February 2021}
Holy hell our time in Perth has been an absolute roller coaster. It sort of feels like two distinct phases: the first half where we thought we’d be leaving Scotland and continuing our slow travels through Europe as planned, and the second half where Covid fucked us out and we had decided to live on the bus in Maine. I know, right?
We left Duns, where we had spent the month of December, on January 3rd, 2021 and started our relatively short and painless journey up to Perth. First it was a bus from Duns to Berwick-Upon-Tweed. It was raining as we were waiting for the bus in Duns, but thankfully it didn’t fuck us too hard. It was absolutely freezing in Berwick as we were waiting on the platform for the train, and all the bathrooms were closed so I was piss dancing the whole time.
Thankfully there was a decent pisser on the train. We did the first class train to Edinburgh, but got fucked out and they didn’t feed us or give us drinks or anything. There were no attendants at all. So that was a bit of a let down. We arrived in Edinburgh and did a cursory glance around at what was open and ended up just getting some stuff from Costa. I got one of their magic chai lattes and a weird ass “after eight” muffin. I’m not totally sure what I was thinking. It was fucking weird as a muffin. Kris got a sandwich and chips and we headed to the first class lounge, which was thankfully open and provided a warm, quiet place to wait.
Then we took a train into Perth and walked to our Airbnb. We had discussed ahead of time what we would do if our hosts weren’t wearing masks, just so we were mentally prepared. And funnily enough - they weren’t wearing masks. But the shitty thing was that they walked up and immediately said they weren’t because they had already had the virus. It just caught us both completely off guard and it wasn’t like they posed it as a question asking if we were comfortable. It just happened so fast. We kept our masks on and they took us upstairs to the apartment. That also sucked because it was extremely small - to have four people inside was incredibly claustrophobic. There literally isn’t a single spot in the apartment where you do not have to stand single file.
They left pretty quickly though so we were able to just settle in. It was only about 3pm so we unpacked a bit and then pulled up the map to see what was around in the way of takeout. There was an Italian restaurant called Cardo and their dining room was closed, but they were doing wood fired pizzas to go and they had a Sunday night special. We got two delicious pizzas to go and brought them home to watch Mad Men. That was so luxurious and relaxing after a travel day and was a nice way to settle in.
The next day we went out to get the lay of the land and it’s a really cute little town. There’s a large pedestrian-only town center full of shops and food and cafes and anything you could need. Also the river runs right on the edge of ton so there’s great outdoor space and walking paths. There’s a couple of large parks and we went to a local roaster, The Bean Shop, that I had found on Instagram and picked up a bag of fresh beans. I also took this funny picture of the toilet and it basically represents how small this entire fucking place is.
We also successfully got our fucking Tesco delivery, which had failed several times at our last Airbnb, so that was a miracle. Though I almost died of embarrassment. I opted to pay extra for plastic bags because I didn’t know if they would bring the shit all the way upstairs directly to the apartment or not. They did and that was great, but the “carrier bags” were actually gigantic, flimsy trash bags that lined the large crates that all the groceries were in. But I didn’t know that. I figured they were robust enough to, you know - fucking carry. So Kris grabbed the cases of beverages and fucked off to the kitchen and I grabbed the bag of groceries. I quickly realized it was a big trash bag type thing, so I started to cinch up the edges into my hand to grab it. And I grabbed it. And it immediately split and all of the groceries went all over the hallway. But like - all of the groceries, the entire order. It was like a literal trash bag full of groceries. And the guy couldn’t touch my stuff, and Kris wasn’t back yet and I just stood there, frozen, wanting to push the guy down the stairs so he would stop staring at me. And the hallway was narrow and the doorway was narrow so it was even awkward for Kris to try and help me, it’s sort of one person at a time. Later I told Kris how mortified I was and he said it was just “normal human folly” and I just immediately felt bad for anyone who’s an overthinker or has actual anxiety that also doesn’t have a partner they can share their whack ass thoughts with and have them say something comforting and logical like that.
ANYWAY. We took some more really nice walks around town as we were getting to know the place. There was one walk where we had seen a park on the map and tried to go find it, but it was a crazy ass uphill walk and eventually, after much uphill walking, we still were not at the park and decided to just say fuck it and go back home. It was still a nice walk by itself and we came across an old, burned out abandoned house that was cool. And then we ran into a super duper icy path on the way back and had to slip and slide home. Also it’s still really weird to see these abandoned streets. It feels like the apocalypse.
There has just been so much crypto activity happening and by the end of January, we doubled the amount that we had been so excited to have reached at the end of last year, just a month prior. It’s weird. All of this is very good and very weird and very surreal. And I took this very funny picture of Kris waiting for the perfect moment for whatever the fuck was in the oven whilst talking game to Greg like always.
Also pretty much every day in January / the first half of our time in Perth, we were refreshing the IATA map to see updated border information. It was quickly becoming clear that the UK lockdown was:
1) not ending anytime soon and
2) originating in the UK was making it worse because of the new variant going whack batty here
When we started this trip, it was an asset to be coming from the UK (unlike the USA). So once we did our two week quarantine in England, we were home free to travel around Europe. Until this new variant dropped and tore through the U.K.
The U.K. lockdown itself has been extremely weird with literally nothing being open. And the whole we don’t know where the fuck we’re going to be able to go just makes it all that much more whacky. But anyway.
Here’s another walk we took — this time to the other side of the river and then up a different hill to try to access the same park again with the ass fuck walk. It was better. It was uphill, but it was steep and quick and woodsy and led to a really cool look out point. Also it seemed like we could’ve gone on there for quite a bit longer walking deeper into the park, but at a certain point you just sort of decide you’re done and head down the hill.
Another day I was looking on the map and there was a little church called the Scone Old Parish Church and it looked kinda off in the middle of nowhere and it seemed like as good a place as any to walk. It was only 2 miles away, but it’s funny with looking at the map sometimes - you can never really tell. I mapped a route to the church that took us just a tick out of our way so we could walk through Quarrymill Woodland Park. This seemed cooler than the slightly more direct route of walking down the main road the whole time. But it actually turned out even better - the park was incredible and full of little waterfalls and had a path that followed a stream the whole way and the entire time it was heavily wooded and just very fucking nice. Also it was a pedestrians only path. And it popped us out of the woods right in front of the little church. The graveyard of the church was at an incline that had a really nice view and it was a very sunny day and the whole thing was just, again - very fucking nice. Kris was goofing on me because I had said it seemed like as good a place as any to pick to walk to and he said, “To pick to walk to - that sounds like an African name.”
Mid-late January we started getting a light dusting of snow, which was a fun change. Also we had a running joke where Kris had looked at himself in the mirror and said, “I don't have low self esteem. I just know where I stand.” So I kept randomly telling him that he was above average handsome. Which is true. Also we saw this endcap at the M&S that was full of different and sort of high brow sounding canned food, things like hot beef curry, and lamb something or the other, so we decided to try a couple since we were in a food rut and pretty uninspired to cook. We got a canned chicken curry that was decent, but the canned hot beef curry was just….it was not good. He served it to me and exclaimed, “I've got some hot beef curry for you!” and the jokes about it did not end there….Was that your butthole or was that the hot beef curry…..Here you go, it looks like prison food…..
We also discovered a park right behind our apartment block called the South Inch and it was closer than walking to the river path. It was really cute and had a small pond in the middle that at first was frozen and had lots of funny human activity, and then as it started thaw, had lots of funny bird activity.
Since it’s a second story apartment, we have to carry all of our trash and recycling downstairs and out back. One day Kris was being super dramatic about it:
Him: That pile of recycling… It's gonna take 3 goddamn trips.
Me: The fuck it is. It's gonna take one trip and we aren't even gonna have to come back upstairs.
Him: I just…. I'm not gonna say it.
Me: Say what?! You know you're gonna eat your words just like you do every single time!
Him: Jesus christ, calm down.
(P.S. it only took one trip)
Another day I lamented, “Ugh, I’m so bloated, look.” And he said, “Well, at least you don’t have a dunlop.” And I asked, “WTF is a dunlop?” - for anyone who doesn’t know - it’s when your belly lops down over your belt.
(later that same day)
Me: Ugh. Remember low rise jeans? Can you imagine how I would look in low rise jeans right now? I’d have a fuckin doofah or a dilf or whatever the fuck you said earlier.
Him: A dunlop. WTF is a dilf?
Me: DADS I’D LIKE TO FUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Don’t you follow Dilf’s of Disneyland??
We took to crossing the bridge and walking along the other side of the river through Rodney Gardens, which was a river front park and really nice walking path:
One day he said, “Hey look, I got a 5 star rating from a client.” and I said, “I mean, I would rate you highly. Send me a survey every fucking day and I'd give you 5 stars, 10 outta 10.”
Another day he was watching a funny video on Golfers Doing Things and he said, “What kinda golf course is this where there's just someone shitting in the open?”
And one night I had asked him a question and his answer was so redneck that he was laughing before he’d even gotten the whole thing out, “Yeah i guess I dunno i fuckin 'spose….”
We were still just looking at that goddamn IATA map every day and had “decided” we were going to so many places. I mean one night we literally went to bed having decided we were going to Chiang Mai. But then the next day we learned we’d be there right during burning season, which lasted two fucking months. And down south on the islands didn’t seem too appealing because the weather was very hot and humid. So then we all but decided we were going to Albania after looking around seeing that the balkan countries were kind of open. We looked at Montenegro, Serbia, Bosnia, all of it. But some of it was screwy, like you can technically go to Montenegro, but there were no flights to get there. So we literally could not find a way to get there. And then after settling on Albania, we legit woke up the next morning to Albania having restricted all flights from the UK. It was just very surreal and was starting to get very stressful spending hours on Airbnb scouring for places to go. Even looking at the U.S. we were just not finding much. And even “deciding” to go back to the U.S. - one day it was we’re gonna go here…no we’re gonna go here….well, we’d need a car….no, I guess maybe we wouldn’t and ahhhh. It was just a lot. I had already asked our friend Amy a few times about the converted bus she had, but it never seemed like “it”.
Also my birthday came and went and it was literally like any other day except that my dad was sending me stuff in the mail, which was super fun. Like this amaze balls sweater and fuck it necklace. And we did take a nice walk down to this tiny little island on the river that had this funny point where the rushing water divided and it felt like you were standing in the middle walking on water.
Another day Kris was on hold with a medical center and he said, “She's gonna "pop me on hold" and "be with me in a wee sec". They are so cute over here.
Then we had pretty much the worst day ever where we were walking through the park and Kris just like exclaimed that he’d had a sore throat for five months and thought he could die. It was really kind of a strange outburst for him and it basically took over the rest of the day. It was really manic, like - trying to figure out what to do. In the end, it ended up being a lot of unnecessary stress and didn’t really need to be like that, but it’s just how it was. But jesus, the thought of going back to Arizona was just….it was so depressing I just could not even. I felt sick. But we tried that angle - calling our friend Fred to see if he had anything for rent, messaging random acquaintances to ask, but we didn’t get any good responses. Kris was convinced he needed to go back to Arizona for healthcare, but eventually I was like - well wait, why don’t you just apply for Medicaid in Maine (where Amy and the bus are)? And I called Amy and told her what was going on and we had a serious conversation about the bus and long story short - by the end of that terrible day, living on their bus actually sounded really nice. I mean I know that bullshit saying is take the path of least resistance, or take the easy way out or go where you’re led or whatever the fuck - but sometimes there literally is not a path of least resistance, there actually is not an easy way out and you aren’t being led fucking anywhere. But this time, we were. There was no resistance in going to Maine, they were welcoming us easily, it was by far the easiest option and was most certainly the easy way out.
We had several more conversations with Amy over the coming days and I really started to feel at peace with it. There were so many pros, the biggest one being just the sense of relief it brought. Obviously being with people - actual friends, being in a small town, they have animals, we’d have our own space, etc., etc. The bus doesn’t have running water, but it does have solar and a composting toilet and a really nice kitchen. So I mean. It could actually be really cool. And they have a car we can use, and I mean - it’s them, it’s our dear friends.
The thought of coming back to the U.S. and renting some random airbnb in some random city and just being at the mercy of whatever shit mattress there was or weird host there was and being locked into something and also constantly being on the search for the next place we were going and the shit public transport and just not wanting to continue this living out of a suitcase thing under those circumstances. That kind of thing is only fun if you’re where you want to be and you’re actually traveling and having a good time. It would not be fun like that in the U.S. And there weren’t any good Airbnbs anyway and just the mental overhead of the unsettledness of it all….It’s like - the bus will have to really being fucking terrible for it to make us want to go back into that world, you know? There are just so many pros that I think they will outweigh any cons.
Anyway. So it was nice to sort of have that decision made and not have to think about it anymore. The very last piece of covid anxiety is just getting the saliva tests, getting them picked up, getting the results, having them accepted and getting through the airport. Arriving at their place in Maine will have the same sense of relief we had arriving here initially, that wow we’ve done it, we made it, it’s over, kind of thing. I can’t fucking wait. The lockdown here, it’s just making us nuts after months and months of it. We’re so crazy bored and just going batty and this is genuinely one of the strangest times.
Another random funny was Kris talking to Greg about Greg’s outline for a crypto intro he was going to give to his neighbors. Kris pulled up an old class outline he had made several years ago and he said, “Yeah it was a weekend workshop and I was gonna charge $3,000 but you know - it came with lunch….” and I just started hysterically laughing and I could hear Greg laughing too just at the absolutely genuine seriousness of his voice saying he was including lunch….I feel like that will be a joke for some time….Well - does it at least come with lunch?!
ANYWAY. Another day there was some insane fog but also some super bright sun and it produced the most amazing light that felt like we were walking through a dream, it was so cool:
And in the final weeks we got some serious fucking snow, like more than a foot. It was pretty cool. And it served to sort of break up the monotony a bit? Like at least we went outside and it looked different. Also I’d take snow over windy/rain any fucking day of the week.
Aside from our daily walks, we were literally inside 22 hours a day and so. It was just kinda lame. It felt like we weren’t even really in Scotland? Or anywhere? If that makes sense? Or rather, it was like we could’ve been anywhere and it just didn’t matter. Although I guess it does matter. Because Phoenix sure felt different. Ick. Anyway. Here’s some funny pictures to try and encapsulate this weird ass time:
We also got lucky with the snow in that it warmed up immediately, so there was very little fucked up in between icy sidewalks period. In fact, it warmed right up to like the 40s and 50s. And then the river was cray balls ass with all the snow melt off and it was super duper high and the path we normally walk on was completely flooded. It was literally up like several feet higher, it was crazy.
And then! Finally, on the last possible day we could’ve, the Scone Palace grounds were open for free and the weather was amazing. We hadn’t really done anything in a while, let alone anything new, so having a proper day out was super refreshing. It was a nice long walk to get there and then the grounds were pretty massive and we had a great walk around. Kris kept laughing because I had “incentivized” myself to take the walk by having a cherry almond tart to eat when we got there and he liked my use of the word incentivized. We walked around for a while and there weren’t any goddamn benches, but there were white peacocks which was very fucking cool. And then we found a grassy ridge to sit on and the grass was really thick and soft and we were facing the direct sun and it was pretty goddamn glorious. Also, I successfully pissed in a trench.
And I took….possibly the greatest photo of all time ever? I literally turned around to take a picture of an archway I had just walked through and my boyfriend was there and I thought I could get a cute shot with him mid-stride, but figured he was too far out of the frame, and then he went on to loudly, powerfully sniff so I figured for sure it’d be a blurry, fucked up photo or he wouldn’t even be in it. But instead. This happened:
It was a great day.
That was a Sunday. And we were leaving that Thursday, so the next few days were just spent getting continuing our epic binge of How to Get Away with Murder, finishing all of the food in the fridge, and packing our shit.
And I mean. Yeah. That’s pretty much it. We’re just biding our time here until we start the next phase, which will be living on a school bus in Waldoboro, Maine. Stay tuned.