Katie Gets Fuckin' Cranky in Italy {2014}

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So, holy fuckin' A. It turns out that dropping yourself for a month in a foreign country to try to live for a month is kind of a mind fuck. 

It's prompting me to do this like this:

Over the sink in our Italian apartment there is a drying rack above the sink (behind the white cabinet doors), but you know - obviously it's got huge gaping slats on the bottom so the water can drip out.

While I'm doing dishes,  the silverware frequently falls thru the slats of the drying rack and onto my head, before clanging like mad into the sink and scaring the shit out of me and sending me running into the living room to yell at Kris, "I hate this fucking apartment!" and I throw the spoon on the floor like a two-year old. 

I concluded tonight at dinner though, that this is proof that our relationship is fucking solid because if it wasn't, we'd be tearing each other's fuckin throats out. It'd be bringing to the surface all of the petty stuff that we hate about each other, but shove down and deny. And apparently there isn't any. So we're just dealing with the issues at hand, which is way easier. And we're best friends, which also helps. And we like to fuck each other, which is a good time killer.

The fuckdest part is having to operate at such a limited capacity. We don't have a car, which is compounded by the fact that we are on top of a fucking hill town, thus further limiting our radius. We don't speak the language (I know, duh, but this fucking wears on you. It's isolating to only be able to say "Where's the shitter" and "Gimme a cappuccino".) We don't have wifi in our apartment, which is a bigger bitch than you'd think. Especially since we've proclaimed our fucking selves writers now, thus needing the internet to be productive in any way - to post our writing, to research our shit, to tweak our websites, etc. Like, imagine not having internet at your house and having to go to Starbucks every time you have to google something. It's goddamn annoying. Because to sit at a cafe for any length of time you have to order something otherwise you're obviously a complete asshole. But I'm not always in the mood for coffee or a sugary pastry or whatever. Also your ass gets sore sitting in the same chair and not moving. Also, holy shit, a tablet is not a laptop. 

And just shut the fuck up before you say oh this is an opportunity to slow down or whatever the fuck. There are roughly 16 waking hours in any given day. I can only consciously chew my food or watch the sunset or meditate or nap for so fucking long, you know?

And, ok, now I know this will sound nuts - but pizza and pasta and gelato - get it the fuck away from me. It sounds like heaven, being surrounded by it, but when that's all you fucking have to eat....goddamit it gets old. All the restaurant menus are the same - pizza or pasta. And the same shit that's on the pizza is in the pasta dishes. And in the grocery stores you can get fixins to make pizza or pasta. Or you can get any kind of fucking cookie you'd ever want. But that's it. Seriously, I drew a map. It’s funny:

Also - Italian markets and bakeries are such giant cluster fucks. There's no apparent order - it's just customers and counter people yelling and pointing and elbowing each other.

We're missing normal, soft bread, cereal and milk, plentiful produce, sandwiches, traditional breakfast foods, smoothies, juices, iced tea, etc. 

Though shit-balls, they do pastries right. Look at my boo's totes bee ay birthday cake:

And everybody fucking smokes here, which is so goddamn gross. You can't get away from it. 

The thing about Italy is....when you're in Italy.....that's all there is. Italian food, Italian people, Italian culture. Which is fucking weird and something you don't think about as an American, especially living in a big ass city like Phoenix where you can get pretty much anything you want at any time. But in Italy - all you can get is Italy. 

Now get this - here's where I get real cunt-y sounding - we went to Assisi yesterday, another picturesque hiltown, and didn't give two shits about it. Ok, that's a partial lie. It was totally beautiful and we ooo'ed and awww'd at it.....but after a few minutes you're like....ok.....this is just another picturesque Italian hill town. You can only see so many old as fuck churches, frescoes, piazzas and cobble stone streets before it all starts looking the same. And it's soooooo mother truckin touristy. All of the main drags are just lined with bullshit restaurants and touristy shops selling plastic crosses and dumb ass fridge magnets. 

I've never traveled like this before - you know, not as a tourist. I've never gone somewhere for a month before. This is all new territory for sure, and this is the unspoken shit about travel. It's not all unicorns and sunshine and gondola rides. Obviously we're not spending every day full of doom and dread. We're writing and fucking and taking walks and keeping ourselves busy, but that's not as entertaining to write about now is it?

I'll tell you what though, I am goddamn looking forward to next month in Budapest. It's way more modern, the people are much more diverse, and our apartment looks like a fucking palace compared to the old as fuck building we're staying in right now in Italy. In Budapest the place is totally IKEA'd out, well decorated, homey, has wifi, etc.

AND there are no fucking hills anywhere.