2 Weeks on a Naked Farm in Tuscany {solo summer travels 2010}

Day 19, June 9th

Holy shit I was so happy to have left that boring as fuck first farm and to be waking up in my cozy tent on that naked farm. Kyle had said that around 7am everyone sort of wanders into the kitchen for breakfast. I woke up a little before 7, but continued dozing because Kyle said he would poke my tent when everyone was awake anyway. And he did. He walked up singing, "Katie....oh Katie....it's morning time".

We left shortly after to go to another property that Paolo owns. The drive was insane and the house had a view of, not only the expansive majestic Tuscan countryside, but the sea. Amazing. It was in Talamone and we spent the morning cleaning out the house that seemed like Paolo had not been to in about 50 years.

There was dust and cobwebs and overgrown plants, but once we were done it looked beautiful. Outside there was a round stone table and we all sat together and had lunch.

We had leftover pasta from last night, more veggies, salad and bread, "pickled" artichoke hearts, and fish. This was a stretch for me - the fish. They were about 5 inches long and placed in a grill basket and smoked over the fire. And then you just grab them whole and nibble on them like corn on the cob. The eyeballs are the thing that freaks me out the most. It was really good fish, but I did not enjoy eating it like that. We also had these weird spiky things that looked like they belonged in the bottom of the ocean. On the non spiky side was some veins and some goop. Everyone scooped the goop out with their bread and ate it. I asked Kyle what it was like and he said "Uh....like an ocean-y fish-y glob of crap". I had to try it, but it was nasty! Tasted like stale toilet water tainted with rotting fish guts. But the older men gobbled it up like it was gelato.

One thing that doesn't translate is "Katie" since there is no "K" in the Italian alphabet. So older Italians that speak no English literally cannot say my name. Paolo asked what my middle name was and I said, "Caroline". He said, "Ahhh! Cah-row-leena". So far no one has said Katie. I am Kay, Carolina or "Hey you! Americana!"

We ended the meal with ripe juicy cantelope and then headed to the sea for a ride on a little boat. But then the boat ran out of gas and Paolo and Kyle had to row us back. Paolo asked "What is this motion called?" and Kyle replies "Row". Paolo doesn't think this is right and he asks, "Katie, do you confirm? Row?" I said yes and he didn't question me at all. "Ahhhh. Row. R. O. W."

Eventually we headed back to Terranera. I feel asleep in the car and woke up to Paolo parking in some piazza and buying us all gelato cones. I had mascarpone and nutella and it was the shit.

After we got back, Kyle and I cleaned out the big pool. Then I skinny dipped for a while and watched the sunset. There were several other people there and everyone is so nice. Everyone makes eye contact and says hello and is so warm and friendly. I walked back to the house and Kyle, Alexandra and Paolo were just hanging out naked. I took a shower and didn't bother getting dressed. We hung out all evening naked, cooking, talking, laughing. I thought it was funny that everyone put shirts on for dinner. Like - don't mind at all my balls on the cushion of your chair, but for sure put a shirt on.

We ate outside again under the grape vines. Alexandra had cooked a giant fish that was caught while we were out earlier today. She cooked in a sort of tomato broth and we spooned it over pasta. Paolo was talking about "This Lada Gaga character" and why she is so famous. Kyle's celebrity crush is Shakira. Paolo's eyes lit up "Ahhhh! Shakira!" Then he asks "Who is that famous blonde girl....the one with the famous name...but she doesn't really do anything at all?" I said "Paris Hilton?" That's exactly who he was talking about. How funny.

Day 20, June 10th

Today kind of sucked my balls a little. Kyle and I worked in the vineyards all morning and it was so hot and such physical work. I tell you - it really makes me into gender roles. I would much rather be in the kitchen cleaning and making lunch then out here on this fucking hill hoeing all day. You know, I'll pop outside with some iced tea or hang out for a bit and keep them company. But hoeing is by far my least favorite job.

Oh! I did break my hoe though. I hoed too hard. That was kind of funny. I was so glad Kyle was there though. Doing that alone....would have been a stretch. He said that he's never done the same thing twice since he's been here so I just keep thinking about that.

We were so hungry when it was lunch time, but it was such a stretch to even bring the spoonfulls of soup up to my mouth. We ate what we could and then collapsed and slept.

Later in the day things got better. Paolo asked me if I wanted to sample some of the services of Terranera in the form of a Hawaiian massage. Well what kind of silly question is that? Paolo took me into the meditation room where there is also a massage table set up. He put on some drumming/chanting type music and got started. It was a very light, very gentle full body massage and he used liberal amounts of olive oil from Terranera that had been infused with different herbs that grow here and he warmed it before he drizzled it all over my body. Obviously this ended with a happy ending and I felt like a goddamn queen.

I walked out of the massage room to a beautiful table that was set and dinner was ready. A dutch couples car had broken down earlier so they invited themselves to join us. And it was another feast - fried fish, steamed chard, mixed salad, bread with artichoke pate, caprese salad, a cold noodle salad, potatoes, vegetable soup and then chocolate cake made with chestnut flour for dessert.

Dutch people are hilarious. And they have large balls. There are two dutch couples here and I swear they are identical. Same height, build, skin tone, they all wear the same glasses and the dudes both have mustaches. Literally the only way I can tell them apart is one guy has a furry bush and the other guy must have had his crotch lasered because I have never seen such a hairless ballsack in my life. How did he get it so perfect? And it's always the same smooth area every day - never any stubble.

Anyway, the first dutch couple that ate with us was super interesting. They worked in the corporate world for years until one day they decided they wanted to do something else. So they put all of their money into opening a nursery. They were "poor as church rats" for years and years. But then, after 9 years, they were considered 1 of the top 5 nurseries in all of Europe. And they sold it after 12 years. For what seems to be a pretty penny. Because they're driving a rolls royce and spending several weeks at Terranera.

Paolo told us that many of his olive trees are 1,100 years old. Can you imagine? A thousand year old tree? He also said this land used to be cared for by benedictine monks. And that most of Tuscany used to be olive groves, but they tore out a bunch of the olive trees to plant grains thinking that would be more profitable. But then they really regretted that later.

Day 21, June 11th

This morning we drove to yet another house that Paolo owns. It is near the medieval village of Pari. Paolo says that the landscape (in terms of the buildings) has not changed for over 400 years. It was actually two houses - one on top of the hill, and then at the bottom of the bill are two apartments.

Kyle says that Paolo used to be a journalist who covered tennis matches. Then he bought Terranera about 20 years ago. He seems to make most of his money from the people who stay at Terranera. He doesn't really sell his oil, honey, or wine - he just uses it to barter with his friends.

After some work, we ate a fabulous lunch in the upstairs apartment and then took a rest before driving back home for cherry picking! We must've picked 20 pounds of cherries.

Then the best part of my day was a ball dangle when one of the dutch couples came up asking for more wine and bread. They stood there chatting with me and the dude squatted down to pet the cats and I got a glorious ball dangle for several minutes.

Day 22, June 12th

Today was another great day of working with Alexandra. We pitted 10 kilos of cherries and then she put on this gigantic stock pot to make jam, we busted out a tart and then we started juicing. All day in the kitchen baking and cooking. It was fabulous. Then we all ate lunch outside together and then napped. I went down to the pool and sunbathed with all of the dutch balls. Alexandra came to get me later because she was going to Castel Del Piano to shop and thought I might like to come. We walked up the main street and went into a little shop for her favorite lotion and then a vegetable stand for eggplant, the butcher for chicken, and the bakery for bread. Then we got gelato and were walking through a piazza, arms full of fresh bread, giggling with a gelato cone, skirts blowing in the wind, bell tower ringing, like we were in a fucking movie.

For dinner we have the chicken breasts - Alexandra doesn't know this name, breast, so every time we refer to it she says “chicken” and then grabs her boobs. A young couple and another of Paolo's friends joined us for dinner and we enjoyed another lazy dinner outside. The young couple was dressed, but Paolo and Kyle just had shirts on and Alexandra and I just have sarongs on. So fun.

Last on Kyle wanted me to fill him in on all of the girl gossip he missed today while doing his man work without us. I sat on his bed and told him everything Alexandra and I talked about.

Day 23, June 13th

Today we all sleep a little later since it was Sunday, the day of rest. I wandered in for breakfast around 9. Kyle was all set up at the kitchen table with his laptop trying to write the paper he's been attempting all week. I joined him with my postcards and my journal.

A bit later he got up to make some coffee and asked if I want any. I ask him if it's coffee coffee or if it's a tiny drip of bitter espresso. It's that. I said yeah, go ahead and make me some because I can water it down, add milk and sugar and it'll be just like home. A few minutes later he set a cup down in front of me and said, "Here's some coffee for you to bastardize".

There were a couple of flies and bees that won't leave us alone at the table and Kyle got stung yesterday so I know he's probably nervous. He said, "Oooo....I don't like this....this makes me a liiiiiiittle uncomfortable...." He sounded like that dude from 30 Rock. He cracks me up. I wrote this fucking poem today:

What a lazy summer Sunday....

Baskets for cherry picking

Clear pitchers of honey colored wine

A soft breeze rustling the cypress trees

Patch work countryside as far as the eye can see

Lazy lunches

Platters of friend eggplant

Gelato cones, dripping

Bustling piazzas full of life

Siesta in the sun

Soft guitar music

Tiny cups of bitter espresso

Crusty loaves of bread

Juicy tomatoes drizzled with oil

....Everything drizzle with oil

Biscotti...

Cold stone floors

So many shades of green

That signature deep Tuscan yellow

A kiss on each cheek

Home made pasta in 10 different shapes

Vats of oilo and vino and jam from the orchard

No sense of time

A skinny dip, a shower on the hillside

A lengthy conversation of gestures

New friendships that run deeper than sharing a language

Alexandra fluttering around

Paolo cooing at the cats

Time

Stillness

Gratitude

Sleeping in the grass under the Tuscan sun

We went out late for dinner. I love how things are open late here. We actually put on real clothes for once and were not naked or wearing our dirty work clothes. I git in the backseat and Kyle climbed in after me and had to move my big full brown skirt off the seat out of his way and he yelled, "Move yer tail queen a sheeba! What is this? The fuckin prom?"

Day 24, June 14th

Today was an easy day. I had a lazy breakfast and then Kyle and I cleaned the tennis court and the two pools. Then we had lunch outside and I told him about Eden Hot Springs and how a true friend slings mud on your asshole. This cracked him up. I was in the middle of another story, talking in between spooning gelato into my mouth, and he exclaimed, "Oh! There's a leaf!" Now - I had seen this leaf hanging from my spoon out of the corner of my eye, but it was like my brain didn't process it fast enough so I was still putting the spoon in my mouth, but as soon as Kyle said the words it registered there was a leaf in my mouth and I spat it out without missing a beat in my story telling.

We took siesta and then spend the rest of the afternoon at the kitchen table with our writing again. What a great day. Naked guests wandered in and out asking for more wine, another jar of honey, a refill on their olive oil. Kyle made more coffee for me to bastardize.

We moved outside for dinner and this couple joined us that were the world’s worst story tellers, they annoyed everyone. As soon as they left Kyle said he thought they were douche bags and I've never heard him say anything negative about anyone. He agreed they tell the worst stories and he mocked them saying, "So you and your sister rode camels, and then your sisters hip started hurting so you had to get off the camel....who the fuck cares?" He kept saying funny things about them and my eyes were watering I was laughing so hard. I had borrowed his super spiffy cardigan again and he was wearing one too and I thought that we just looked so cool wearing these cardigans that we must capture it in a photo. So Alexandra indulged us.

Day 15, June 15th

Today was actually kind of boring. First boring day here. It was raining so all we could really do was clean the rooms at Terranera. But that's ok. Since it was raining and there wasn't much to do, it made for a short work day. We had an earlier lunch. Alexandra made soup, which was perfect since it was cold. Then we took siesta and Kyle and I ended up back at the kitchen table in the afternoon. We talked about spank banks and how he was possibly rude to Rick Steves after a pussy hole-grocery store-piss train day. We talked about masturbating on planes, the mile high club, fake vaginas, how lube is only for the elderly, and stupid diabetics. Among other things.

Eventually we went up into the big apartment for dinner because Paolo had some friends joining us and it was too wet to use the outside table. That was fun eating up there. The table is so long and the chairs are so regal. It's like dining in a castle or something. After dinner Kyle and I went back to the main house and stayed up talking for a while. He told me about stealing a job at a law firm, we talked about the worst jobs we've had in general, and the amazing apartment he's about to move into in Siena for the next five weeks that comes with a woman downstairs who cooks him breakfast and dinner and does his laundry, he told me about making $400 an hour and getting Professor of Psychology business cards, I told him about the time my grandma accidently calling my aunt Nikki a whore, we talked about cuddling, sex, sleeping on an extra long twin, apple bongs, getting bitched out on the street by the ShamWow guy, handwriting analysis, and this crazy chick in his dorm who hurts you when she grinds you on the dance floor. But no one will tell her, so she doesn't know.

Day 26, June 16th

This morning Kyle and I cleaned and hoed a little and then Paolo put us to work trimming the grape vines. That was actually fun. When we got to the end of the row we figured we'd just take a moment and kill some time. Then we started talking about anal play and "Would You Rather?" questions.

After work and lunch and siesta, Kyle and I spent the afternoon by the pool. We floated around for a while and then got out and laid in the sun. We were at the kitchen table the rest of the afternoon and stayed naked all day. It was so much fun! then we played cards for a while outside until it was time for dinner. It was Kyle’s last day and I felt sad.

Day 27, June 17th

This morning we drove Kyle to the bus stop. What a bummer that he was leaving. It so isn't the same now. We went to the house near Pari and cleaned and I so was not in the mood. But thankfully I was given the task to paint the furniture and that kept me busy and by myself, which is exactly what I wanted. Then Alexandra asked me to get Paolo for lunch. I went looking for him and he was in the hot tub. It was right on the side of the mountain and he invited me to hope in for a quick dip before lunch.

Then, after lunch and on our way home, we stopped at the hot springs on the way and that was so beautiful!

Day 28, June 18th

Today I helped Alexandra clean the big apartment and then Paolo and I went to Castel Del Piano. We got home and made dinner and I made some chocolate sandwich cookie balls for dessert.

Day 29, June 19th

Today Alexandra and I went to the house in Pari by ourselves and that was fun! We stopped for gas and she was trying to describe some kind of chocolate. She said "You know....chocolate that is sort of like the shit from a bird". I said "Oh, chocolate sprinkles?" Then we got to Pari and got the house ready for guests. We stopped in Paganico for gelato on the way home and when we got home, Paolo had prepared lunch. Some super yummy pasta in this oily meaty fatty sauce. So good.

Day 30, June 20th

After breakfast, Paolo and I went to the hot springs again and on the way we stopped in Paganico for coffee and croissants. We also stopped by his friend Lydia's house and she was a proper witch with an old stone house and a kitchen overrun with jars of herbs and tinctures. Then it was the perfect day for the hot springs because it was overcast and very cold and there was a sprinkling of rain. We stopped in Paganico again on the way back and I had another one of those yummy orange pellegrinos and a bitchin sandwich.

Day 31, June 21st

Today I had a nice morning with Alexandra. We had a ton of laughs all day and she was asking me a lot about cursing in English. She asked about cock sucker and how to spell it and what it meant as an insult because generally when you're sucking someone’s cock they are very fond of you in that moment.

In the afternoon I took a solo walk from Terranerra into the teeny little village of Montenero to use the ancient computer at the ancient internet cafe. I took these pictures on my walk:

Later that night, Paolo lit a fire to cook the meat for dinner and it was the perfect Summer Solstice / new moon dinner.

Day 32, June 22nd

Today was another great day working with Alexandra. We talked the whole morning and then made lunch together.

Later in the afternoon I went on the second story terrace of the vacant big apartment where I could have total privacy. I ended up doing some Kundalini Yoga and as I was finished there was this deep rumble of thunder. I don't think I have heard thunder here before, and I didn't hear anymore after that. There was no rain. Just the rumble of thunder right in that moment. Then I did a releasing writing exercise and then meditated and gave thanks everything that has made me who I am today. I said out loud that I trusted the journey and I was open to anything that was in store for me. And then a very very strong wind blew, just for a moment.

That evening Paolo took me out for pizza in the next town, just the two of us. He said Alexandra would probably be leaving Terranera soon to start a life with her boyfriend and he would have to find someone else. He said that he would really love to have a couple come and live on the land and he would like to work his way out of caring for it. Just for a moment, I thought about how perfect that would’ve been for Bobby and I, but in the now - I don’t want to live in Italy anymore. That made me question even going through with getting my EU passport, but I know I do want it. I have already put years of time and effort into it, so it feels like it needs to be finished.

Day 33, June 23rd

Today Alexandra and I worked in the vineyard together, made lunch, and then I went and laid in my hammock and watched the sunset.

We all ate dinner inside because it was cold out. I just love English with their Italian accents - for instance, Paolo didn't like the fish that night and he said, "For me....I tink dees dun taste so fantastic." And Alexandra was talking about sex on the beach "Jew cand have sex on the beach....well....jew can....but dare ees...jew know....sand...and eet makes eet no so nice to go een." And she of course makes the motion with her hands of a penis going into a vagina. I love it.

Day 34, June 24th

Today was my last day at Terranerra. We had light work at the house in Pari, gelato on the way home and then prepared a lovely last meal and ate outside together. I will miss this place.