Writing Group, Day 10: I did THAT

{Note: this is my 100% totally raw 10 minute free write that I copied into a blog post to document for all of time, and of course share with you. Please expect typos and misspellings.}

Have you ever felt stuck?

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Today's prompt was: You DID That

Fuuuuuuck. The last free write of this group. Just no. I don't want to. I have been putting it off all day. I didn't even read the prompt until just now because I was saving it. But now I want to snuggle with my adorable boyfriend and watch the Entourage movie so I guess I *have* to burst this bubble now. 

I did that. 

I remember feeling that way after attending my first birth as a doula. It was just a couple of months after I first heard of the word "doula". I didn't think anything of going to my first birth. I was excited. I always hear of doulas now saying they want to "shadow an experienced doula" or attend some births in the background or do something to otherwise "prepare" them to be a doula. I just dove right in. It was a sweet couple, young, and pregnant with their first baby. We were all just navigating the waters together. Support is instinctual though. I wiped her brow and made sure she was hydrated, offered her snacks, told her should could do it, sat back while she and her husband had a moment, walked her to the bathroom, helped her wipe, told her to reach down and feel her baby's head. It was all just instinct. It was what any woman would have done for another woman. 

Being prepared to attend a birth is an illusion.

You could shadow an "experienced" doula a hundred times and each birth will be different. The first birth you go to on your own will be wildly different, as will every birth after. The moral of the story here being to just go for it. You'll never feel ready. If you wait until you feel ready you'll never do it. Just do it. 

This can be applied to anything. You could train or learn or shadow or prep or practice or plan, but when the shit goes down it's basically never going to be how you think it's going to be. So just go for it. Figure it out as you go. Commit to always learning, growing, and changing. Do your best.

Isn't it funny how life sort of mimics pregnancy and birth?

  • You find out your pregnant and you're oh so excited. You come up with a new idea - same feeling.
  • The first part of the pregnancy sometimes sucks. You're newly pregnant, maybe you're nauseous, you're inundated with information and just trying to find your way and assemble your support team. Same with your idea.
  • The middle part is usually awesome - you're used to your new state, emotions are leveling out, you look good, you feel good, you're excited for what's to come. Same with your idea. 
  • The ending can be uncomfortable. You've outgrown your container. You're ready for the next step. The hardest thing to do is sit and wait for the timing to be right. 
  • Then it's time to birth your idea. The beginning of labor. The energy is flowing. The uterus is contracting. Shit is happening. You're excited. Things are finally coming together. 

Then the middle of labor. You're in your flow. Your team is there. It's almost time. 

Then TRANSITION. OHSHITFUCKCHRISTNOICANTDOTHISGETMEOUTOFHERE. 

And then. You birth. Your grand idea. Your warm slippery adorable baby. You're a mother. It's real. You did it. 

It didn't seem scary at all at the time, but in hindsight I look back on my solo trip to Europe after my divorce as an "Oh shit I can't believe I did that" thing. Like, damn that was ballsy. I just bought a ticket for arbitrary dates a few months apart and landed in a couple of foreign countries and figured it out as I went. I couch surfed - oh my gawd, yes, I stayed with *gasp* "strangers". I also got stuck a couple of random nights and had to get hotel rooms. I made lots of new friends and saw lots of new things and had lots of big ugly cries. Some of them were while I was binge watching Grey's Anatomy after I got home at night, but others were really fuck-shit-i'm-not-married-anymore-what-the-fuck-what-is-my-life kind of cries. But I also ate lots of new food and drank lots of new things and got lost a bunch of times and had to ask for help and got homesick and then never wanted to leave and then missed my friends and then plotted ways to extend my stay and then wanted to come home early. 

But I made it. I did it. I did THAT. And I'd do it again.

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If you've learned anything from following this series it's that I'm an oversharer, and that YOU should take the leap into on of Jena's writing groups

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