The Worst Airbnb Guest We Ever Had EVER

I hesitated in sharing this story, purely because I don't want people to use it as an excuse not to host travelers and stay in their boring as fuck comfort zones.  Hosting truly is the greatest thing we've ever done, and it is one of the main tools we use to travel several months out of the year. But after hosting 200+ people over the course of four years I suppose we were bound to run into a bad egg at some point.

And that point came in the form of Raymond the Germophobe From Hell. 

And really - after you're done reading, you'll probably be like, "Huh, that wasn't actually that bad." And really it wasn't - it was more annoying than anything else. We're just spoiled because with our crazy listing, we attract people that are generally just as quirky as we are. Like, "The guy with the foot fetish" or "hot yoga baseball guy" or "that girl who hung her hello kitty panties on the lampshade."

Somehow Raymond slipped thru cracks and got in..... 

Literally you could just look at this drawing Denise made and you'd know all you need to know. But if you're morbidly curious, please continue reading. 

The Worst Airbnb Guest We Ever Had EVER | Cock & Crow #airbnb #travel

Raymond sent us a reservation request at 9pm for that same night. We happened to be awake and the room was already made up, so we figured why not. I messaged Raymond back to ask the reason for his last minute reservation and his answer was satisfactory. He also stated that he'd read our whole listing description and was happy to find somewhere that was toxic/chemical-free. He was enthusiastic about and agreed to our house "rules" - the main one being that we don't use chemicals and all of our cleaning products and personal hygiene products are toxic-free - we ask guests to comply with this and are very clear about it ahead of time. He looked normal in his profile photo and he had one review that was just sort of vague - it sounded like it was written by a stick-in-the-mud old man so I didn't think too much of it. All in all - he seemed nice enough and there weren't any red flags against hosting him. 

He arrived about an hour later - close to 10pm. He stepped just inside the front door and in a very loud and obnoxious voice, announced he was a germaphobe. He was 20 years old, but dressed like a fuddy duddy fucking accountant in a suit and tie and he looked beyond uptight and weird, especially for his age. 

I led him to his room and he kept asking me questions, but as I would answer them he would just stare at me with these crazy eyes and this psychotic blank stare. It was so fucking weird. He asked about our "green" efforts around the house and asked how I felt about Chlorox wipes. Obviously I fucking hate Chlorox wipes and I told him so, in a nice way. Our house is by no means dirty, but we are the total fucking opposite of germaphobes and generally just clean with water. Maybe vinegar if it's a stinky toilet or something. So it was an all around awkward conversation. He looked at the shared bathroom and asked if I had a cleaner he could use. He didn't say what it was for, and I didn't ask - I just handed him the spray bottle of vinegar. He asked if he could take a shower and I said yes of course, but just to respect that it was a shared bathroom and there were others in the house so he shouldn't take too long. 

I went out into the living room and he proceeded to come out to the living room 5 separate times in the course of 3 minutes, speaking in a very loud tone and asking excessive questions about cleanliness and safety. Hewas incredibly socially awkward, and had a very anxious and nervous energy about him.  He made us feel uncomfortable and he seemed riddled with anxiety and crippled by his germaphobia. 

We contemplated just going to bed while he was in the shower so we didn't have to talk to him, but opted to stay up because we hadn't brushed our teeth yet. 

I kid you not, a solid hour later he was still in the bathroom. I just pictured him in there fucking sitting on the bathmat just rocking back and forth. In hindsight, I honestly don't understand why he didn't just leave and go stay wherever he would've stayed had we not responded back to his last minute request.

Eventually I decided to go and knock. He said he'd be right out. A few minutes later I heard the bathroom door open so I headed in to brush my teeth. As I rounded the corner Raymond was standing in the hallway in the dark completely naked sort of holding a towel in front of himself. He was slightly hunched over and was literally just standing there - I hadn't caught him walking to his room. He was just fucking standing there with his crazy eyes glowing in the dim light. 

We brushed our teeth and went to bed, glad to hear he was leaving at 7:30 in the morning. 

The next morning we came out of our room around 9 and it was clear he was still here, which sucked. He then proceeded to take another looooooong shower and occupy the bathroom for an hour. We went to have brunch with a friend and decided we'd just check the Canary (our security camera) and wait to go home until he had left. 

After he left, we went home and went into his room and it reeked of fucking Chlorox. He had also left his fancy suit hanging in a bag on the back of the door. Later that evening he left a super creepy message asking us to "keep it in a safe place where it wouldn't get wrinkled" until he could pick it up. 

I crumpled that fucking suit up into a ball and tossed it on the front porch. In hindsight, I should've put a used condom or a bloody tampon or something super gross that would've just really made his head explode. 

Later that day we sat down to review him and kept it short and sweet, simply stating it was unpleasant to host him and he was crippled by his germaphobia and riddled with anxiety. We then sent private feedback to Airbnb giving them all the nitty gritty details. 

The next day Raymond reviewed us positively, however - we received a nasty gram from Airbnb customer service saying that Raymond had filed a complaint against us saying his room was dirty and unfit for guests, which is a total fucking lie. He was also pushing for Airbnb to take down our review of him. It was very clear that the customer service rep had not read our review of Raymond or our private feedback about him, so I copied and pasted it into my response back. Very quickly I received an email back from Airbnb profusely apologizing, thanking me for being a host, and stating the case was closed.