Tell Me What You're Afraid to Lose
You should do one of Jena's writing groups. It will crack you open in the best way possible. There's no expectations, no judgments, no questions, and nothing to lose.
This is my free write from today. It is raw, and unedited, and worth sharing.
The prompt was based on the concept of "Losing It".
"losing it" made me think of the concept that Kris and I are always explaining to people, which is: We are committed to each others happiness. Not to some arbitrary idea that we'll be together forever. This does not mean we are not committed to each other. We are committed to each others happiness. This is a HUGE commitment that takes constant self awareness and reflection on what is. And what isn't.
It always comes up when we talk about "being polyamorous" which I actually really am starting to loathe the term. Why do we have to put a label on it? Because we all like labels. They make us feel comfortable.
What the fuck does it matter?
Because when you say "we're polyamorous" they instantly make up their mind about you. Oh, you're new agey. Oh, you fuck random people all the time. Oh, you'll grow out of it.
What our relationship really is, is honest. We say what's on our minds literally all the time. So there is no room for hiding feelings or inklings or urges or attractions or the instinct to cuddle with a friend of the opposite sex because they look like they're having a bad day. We believe (and it's proven by experience) that love expands, it doesn't divide. Loving more people fills you up, it doesn't drain you. When you have a second child you don't love the first one less. Your heart expands. We don't want to limit each other to loving one person. Because we each have so much to give.
But, you know, saying "we're polyamorous" is sometimes just easier.
Saying, "we're separated" is easier than saying
we sleep in separate rooms, but
he's seeing somebody else
we have family dinners three times a week
she hasn't met the kids yet
I'm in love with our neighbor
What is it with the concept of "losing it" anyway?
What we perceive we're going to lose keeps us
in our comfort zone
And what we think we might lose could totally be made up. We might not even lose it. We're just terrified at even the possibility of the slightest chance. So we don't
quit our jobs
leave our spouses
chase our dreams
shift our belief systems
clear out our old patterns
fuck who we want
love who we want
do what we want
And are we really afraid of what "they" will think? Or is it us. Are we afraid of not recognizing ourselves anymore and having to invent each day.
And yes - what about what we might gain.
When we clear that space.
When we take that leap.
What about that?