Do you believe everything a psychic tells you?
Kris and I are doing another one of Jena's amazing writing groups. This is from week two, inspired by a prompt about "Absurdity".....
You know what is fucking absurd? People taking everything so goddamn seriously.
Like, SERIOUSLY. Come the fuck on.
Like Kelly says, "You can just take what works for you, and put the rest of the shit in a hefty bag and throw it in the garbage." Literally or metaphorically.
Case in point:
I went and saw a psychic yesterday. Everyone who I shared this with seemed so nervous to see a psychic. I was not nervous at all to see this psychic man. Other people seemed to be afraid of all the things the psychic was going to tell them to stop doing, or tell them was coming. Basically: they know a bunch of shit in their life is fucked and that they are currently operating out of fear with most things and that there's lots of shit they need to change.
So they aren't scared of "the psychic". They are scared of being faced with themselves. They are scared because a psychic is generally someone you can't bullshit or make excuses with. They're detached from your situation, operating on a different plane, and are just there to tell you what the fuck is up, if you ask them.
That is why I was not scared of this psychic man. Plus, he had a British accent. He could've said he was going to murder me and I would've been like, "Oh you're so fucking darling - when do you want to make this happen?"
First of all: my love relationship is fucking blissful. So there was no impending doom there. My "professional" life is a series of elaborate guessing games so I was totally open to what he had to say there. Either yes: you're on the right track. Or: What the fuck are you doing, change course. Either would've been fine, and not surprising.
The first thing this psychic man said to me was, "Do you have any questions?"
I was like a deer in the headlights. Oh, shit. No. I did not prepare any questions. I'd never had a psychic reading before so I wasn't quite sure what to do or how it would go. He turned my palms face up and touched his left index finger to my right index finger - like this is how he plugged in to me or something.
He asked my birthday, did some fast as fuck math in his head and with his pen and paper, and said that I am great organizer. He also stated that I am very intuitive and I need to pay attention to and honor my antennae and my senses about things.
Next, he asked for Kris' birthday. And for half a second I was like, "Shit man. What if he says we're fucked? Or cosmically doomed? Or not supposed to be together?" My initial thought was that I'd just take it with a grain of salt.
Nobody is perfect, not even this psychic man. And if I was just some sheep following what everyone told her to do and taking everyone else's truths as her own....well I'd be a boring as fuck doormat of a woman, wouldn't I?
I didn't have time to test that instinct, because fast math psychic man looked at Kris' birthday and said, "Oh, yes, excellent. He is a caring man and I see a great future here."
WHAT A FUCKING LOAD OFF.
He looked me sort of awkwardly right in the eyes (I say awkwardly because he had a lazy eye so I was like - where do I look? I don't want to be rude and, like, NOT look into his lazy eye. Can he see out of his lazy eye? Is his peripheral vision completely amazing?) and said, "Do you have any questions about this?"
I said No and got the sense that this was sort of new for him. That probably most women come in there and that's all they want to fucking talk about.
He went on to say that I would experience a great loss at the age of 35 and he felt as if it were a brother. I said I had a brother, but hadn't seen him in ten years as he is mentally ill, much like my mother. Afterwards I thought, shoot - do I message me estranged brother and be like, "Hey bro. I saw a psychic today. I know that sounds, you know, whatever - woo woo and shit. But he said I'd experience a great loss in a few years and he felt it was a brother. So I'm just letting you know in case you wanna be proactive about, uh, suicide...."
Because my instinct is that my brother will either commit suicide or otherwise be found dead in some tragic way like a drug overdose. As horrible as that sounds, the other side of it is that there's nothing I can do about it. You know? I can't guard my brother or be a safehouse for him from his own mind. It just doesn't work like that.
Then this British psychic man said that I was intuitive, as he'd already stated, and that I was definitely a healer and a teacher. He asked me what I did for work now, if it involved teaching people and I said yes: I had an online course. As well as a blog and podcast, which teaches people things in smaller chunks.
He said I was on the right path with this and he saw it getting bigger - retreats, getaways, high profile events and such.
Which was music to my fucking ears because I think about this stuff - futuristic stuff - and sometimes discussing it with my well-intentioned, but small-minded friends is so depressing. They're like, "Oh yeah - why don't you set up a booth at the farmer's market? Or go to the local natural healing college and lecture?"
And I'm like, bitch please. I am thinking waaaaaaaay bigger than that. My target market is not my home fucking town, you know? It's the whole fucking world. And my ideal working scenario certainly ain't trying to hand out change-your-life pamphlets at some goddamn farmer's market. Those people are just there to buy fancy ass pickles.
I was glad this psychic man had the bigger vision with me.
He said my success would come two fold, like - in two spikes, and would be further sweetened by an inheritance we'd receive via Kris' side of the family.
Let's stay connected, eh?
If you want my writing to magically appear in your inbox, you know what to do:
The next thing out of his mouth was:
Which is fucking HILARIOUS because I don't want kids, neither does Kris and he all of the sudden has become super obsessed with getting a vasectomy. I mean I'm like yeah, great get a vasectomy that sounds fucking awesome. But also - we've been fucking for 6 years, so it's not super pressing to me. We've obviously managed this long and I'm used to having to think about pregnancy prevention all the time. But he's got an appointment Monday morning to get this show on the road. From somewhere deep inside he just had to do it as soon as possible. That totally makes sense now.
To make this even more interesting, I had a BodyTalk session the morning after the psychic reading and guess what came up in my session? The concept of my reproductive system taking a collective sigh of relief, marking the end of an era, and shifting all of that energy into creation of other kinds.
I finally asked the psychic man a question. I asked, "Hey man. Do I have to have a kid? Like - what is the deal with everyone's obsession with this?" And he said:
Such a great reminder that we already have the answers. Life can look so many different ways. And only we know our own truth, if we're brave enough to look.
Do you wanna be brave and look? C'mon, let's do it together. Enroll in our online course, Reality Rehab. It's weekly lessons, spanning the course of four-months that will help you examine each area of your life from sex to friendships to communication to food to spirituality to travel to passive income and oh so much more. It will help you map your life of freedom, however that may look for you.