6 Things Men Can Do To Not Suck At Relationships
Here is a quick list of 6 essential things you can do to be a good relationship partner. These are all things I wish someone would have hammered into my thick skull when I was 23 but instead it took me until I was about 35 to figure it out on my own. So here's an opportunity to learn from someone else's mistakes! This article is worded speaking to someone who's already in a relationship, but please don't skip it if you're single. Men -- read this no matter what. Apply it to your current and/or future relationships. Start getting your shit together right now, today.
#1 - Learn About Polarity
Go read this awesome book: The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. This will explain what sexual polarity is, how all humans have some degree of masculine and feminine energy, and what impact masculine/feminine energy have on all human relationships. Understanding polarity is literally the key to understand all human relationships, not just intimate ones. And particularly -- understand their conflicts. At this point you're probably asking what kind of an asshole starts off an advice article by telling you to go read some other book by some other author? I suppose that's a fair question, but the fact is -- that book is way more than I can distill in this simplified article, yet it truly is one of the keys to getting your shit together and succeeding in this big crazy world. Honestly they should dedicate an entire semester to this book for all high school seniors.
Men's roles on this planet have evolved by several orders of magnitude over the past century, and it seems like most of us really have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore.
We all just end up in these shitty relationships where its hot for a few months and then the sex stops and everything else goes to shit. You're fighting about big things like finances and little things like dishes in the sink and we're told this is just "how it is". We get married, have a kid, or do something else that we feel like will fix or change things, but it doesn't. Eventually we either break up/divorce and start the process all over again, or we stay in the relationship and resentment builds. But it turns out that that's not really "just how it is." You really can break free from this cycle. I actually have broken free of this cycle, and its not just because I found my perfect match or whatever. It's because I took some responsibility for what I was contributing to the problem, and learned a few things along the way. So in the meantime, finish reading my simplified breakdown and then you can go read the book for greater detail.
# 2 - Be Motivated
This is simple: no woman wants a partner who doesn't take any initiative. This applies to every aspect of your life -- your friendships, your health, your family, your home, your job -- but right now we're going to talk about your purpose and passion in life. If you don't know what yours is, keep working at it until you do -- try things, read things, learn things, find what makes you tick. And in the meantime, just do SOMETHING.
Women are attracted to men who have purpose. Who have drive. No matter what it is. It doesn't matter if your purpose in life is to pick up dog shit from people's back yards. If you strive to be the best goddamn shit picker-upper in the world, women will be clamoring for you.
I should clarify though that having a job, even a decent paying job is not at all the same thing as living your purpose. So don’t think that just because you make bank you can automatically check this one off the list. No job is worth a shit if it just chews you up all day and then you go home to your woman and complain all evening about how much work sucks and how drained you are, and then you sit in front of the television for the next 6 hours until you pass out and repeat it again the next day. That is a huge relationship killer. Living your purpose is spending time every day engaged in activities that you are passionate about and that fuel you and enrich you instead of depleting you. If that’s not happening, then you should seriously consider changing jobs and/or careers until you are doing something that does. Because NO job is worth it no matter how much it pays if it renders you too unhealthy and depressed to enjoy every other aspect of your life.
Living your passion is so important, both for your own health and wellbeing, and that of your relationship as well. I can't tell you how many times I have heard women talk about how attractive some random ass dude is just because he's so passionate about whatever it is that he's doing. Passion and purpose get you laid. Sitting around complaining or waiting for someone else to make something happen for you doesn't get you shit.
This goes for around the house too. Don't be one of those goons that lets the fucking dishes pile up for a week. Take pride in your home. If something needs to be done, do it, even if it sucks -- don't wait for her to ask. If you contribute to a shitty household by doing nothing, or even worse, expecting your woman to do it all, your sex life will be in the shitter faster than you can blink. And it will pretty much be ALL your fault.
Here's the most simple fix to all your relationship woes: Not getting laid? Is your house a mess? BINGO. And don't just clean once and expect it to buy you a year of sex, numbnuts. Be a fucking man. There isn't one single woman on this planet that walks into a dirty, messy room and thinks "Goddamn this turns me on!" Show up every day and be engaged and present. Think ahead and be proactive.
#3 - Be Decisive
Pick something, anything! Picking something is ALWAYS better than picking nothing. If your woman asks what you want to do for dinner; "I don't know, what do you want?" is a totally unacceptable answer. If your woman asks what do you want to do today, or what movie do you want to go see; again "I don't know, what do you want to do?" is totally fucking unacceptable. Why? Because it forces them into the position of taking on a decision-making, masculine role, which directly affects your relationship's sexual polarity, which also means you aren't getting laid tonight.
It doesn't matter if you don't really know what you want to do, just pick something anyway. You say "I want fucking burritos for dinner." You say "I want to go play frisbee in the park." You say "I want to see that new Coen Brothers movie." She might not agree with you, or be in the mood to do whatever it is that you initially suggest. But that's ok, at least you said something as opposed to nothing. At least you were decisive and not wishy washy. At least you expressed masculine direction. Then from that point you can have a conversation about it where you suggest more options, and then do whatever it is you both ultimately decide on. Just remember to counter any suggestion of hers that you don't like with a new suggestion of your own. Otherwise it's just as bad as saying "I don't know" in the first place. Just like in #2 -- be engaged, have ideas, contribute to your fucking life.
#4 - Be Affectionate
This one is kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves affection. Or at least everyone who wasn't raised in an orphanage anyway. And not just the "I'm in the mood to fuck so I'm gonna go up and start grabbing her ass" type of affection. That's not the same thing at all. Your intent should be to make her feel loved and cherished, not like a piece of ass, and affection should not always be a vehicle for sex.
Hold her hand when you're walking down the street together. Take time every single day to stop what you are doing hug and kiss multiple times. Cuddle in bed either in the morning or at night, or both. If you have to get up early for work, consider setting a second alarm 20 minutes before your normal one so that you can roll over and spoon before you have to get up for work. Doesn't that sound like a great way to start the day?
Come up to her and kiss the back of her neck while she's doing some household task. Tickle her back or run your fingers through her hair while you're sitting together watching TV. Whatever it is, just do something. And most importantly, don't do ANY of this shit with the intention of it leading directly to sex. Because women have special powers and can see right through that shit. But if you do all of these things out of pure selfless love, it will probably lead to a lot more sex anyway.
#5 - Be Respectful
Your relationship will only be as good as the amount of respect you give your partner. Just like your life will only be as good as the amount of respect you give yourself. If you treat a woman like the goddess she is, then guess what? You'll be dating a fucking goddess! How cool is that?
Here is a short list of very disrespectful yet all too common things men do in relationships with women:
- Expect her to cook and/or clean.
- Criticize anything she goes out of her way to do for you - Constructive feedback is different.
- Don't follow through on something she asks you to do, especially if you say you will.
- Do something she explicitly asks you not to.
- Come home late and/or change plans without any prior communication.
- Engage in any level of dishonesty or deceit.
- Do anything to make her feel anything less than the beautiful empowered woman she is.
- Be loud when she's trying to sleep.
- Downplaying anything that she feels is important or is legitimately concerned about.
- Losing your shit and shouting at her.
And if you aren't able to do ALL of these basic-ass entry level things, then treat her with the respect she deserves by ending the relationship so that she can move on to someone else that will. Then at that point you should spend some time on personal development, and by “some time” I don’t mean a few weeks. More like 6 months or more. And once you can live as a whole person unto yourself, once you can pay all your bills on time, have a house that doesn’t look like a college dorm room, and not throw toddler tantrums when something upsets you, then maybe try a relationship again. But in the meantime, you clearly aren't relationship material and no one deserves to be subjected to your lame, emotionally stunted bullshit.
#6 - Be Emotionally Transparent
Talk about your feelings, a lot. If you are happy, say it. If you are not happy, say it. Learn to express your individual feelings without blaming her or making it anyone else's fault. Take responsibility for yourself. If you're upset, try to figure out why. If you're bothered by something -- really try to get to the root of it. If the sex you just had was mindblowing, tell her. If it wasn’t -- then explain to her what you both can do different next time. If she is beautiful, tell her. If her ass looks hot in those jeans, tell her. If she hurt your feelings somehow, tell her. Don't just wait for her to figure it out and for fuck's sake do not give her the silent treatment or otherwise withdraw in any way. She can't read your mind any better than you can read hers. Do not get defensive and please do not ever fucking mope around like a little bitch. I know it sucks to feel sad or hurt or when you fuck up and she's pissed at you. Sometimes you just want to crawl in a hole. But instead, take some fucking masculine direction and fix your shit. That’s ultimately what she wants anyway. Also, practice and get used to sharing your feelings and emotions, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. This is important and it will create a more powerful bond than anything you can imagine.
I realize that this isn’t an exhaustive list of things that make for a perfect relationship, but these are by far the most common things that I hear women complain about on a regular basis. And I guarantee that if you can manage to get these 6 things nailed down, the quality of your relationships will skyrocket to the point where everything else is just fine-tuning.
And lastly, don’t puss out and skip the book now that you’ve read the remaining steps. Go to Amazon and buy it right now while it's fresh in your head. Or if an audio book on the way to work is more your style, then do that instead. And honestly, reading/listening to it one time through is not enough. There is so much amazing info in it that you really need to take it in 3 or 4 times before you really start to “get it.” Our women need more men who understand and practice these concepts. The world needs more men who understand and practice these concepts. And if at this point you’re thinking “eh, that sounds cool and all, but who has time to read a book, let alone 3 or 4 times. There’s beer to be drank and football to be watched.” Then you my friend, are the problem.
You guys. If you need a good kick in the ass - come join me in Reality Rehab. We go over sex ed, intimacy, relationships, health, your job, everything. It will rocket you to the next level.