6 Things Men Can Do To Not Suck At Relationships
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Here is a quick list of 6 essential things you can do to be a good relationship partner. These are all things I wish someone would have hammered into my thick skull when I was 23 but instead it took me until I was about 35 to figure it out on my own. So here's an opportunity to learn from someone else's mistakes!
Learn About Polarity -
Go read this awesome book: The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. This will explain what sexual polarity is, and what roles the masculine and feminine essences have on all human relationships. At this point you're probably asking what kind of an asshole starts off an advice article by telling you to go read some other book by some other author? I suppose that's a fair question, but the fact is, that book is way more than I can distill in this simplified article, yet it truly is one of the keys to getting your shit together and succeeding in this big crazy world. Honestly they should dedicate an entire semester to this book for all high school seniors.
Men's roles on this planet have evolved by several orders of magnitude over the past century, and it seems like most of us really have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore.
We all just end up in these shitty relationships where its hot for a few months and then the sex stops and everything else goes to shit and then eventually we break up and start the process all over again. But it turns out that that's not really "just how it is." You really can break free from this cycle. I actually have broken free of this cycle, and its not just because I found my perfect match or whatever. It's because I took some responsibility for what I was contributing to the problem, and learned a few things along the way. So in the meantime, finish reading my simplified breakdown and then you can go read the book for greater detail.
Be Motivated -
This is simple, no woman wants a partner who doesn't take any initiative. This applies to every aspect of your life. Find your purpose and live it. And if you don't know what your purpose is, keep working at it until you do. And in the meantime, just do SOMETHING.
Women are attracted to men who have purpose. Who have drive. No matter what it is. It doesn't matter if your purpose in life is to pick up dog shit from people's back yards. If you strive to be the best goddamn shit picker-upper in the world, women will be clamoring for you.
I should clarify though that having a job, even a decent paying job is not at all the same thing as living your purpose. So don’t think that just because you make bank you can automatically check this one off the list. No job is worth a shit if it just chews you up all day and then you go home to your woman and complain all evening about how much work sucks and how drained you are, and then you sit in front of the television for the next 6 hours until you pass out and repeat it again the next day. That is a huge relationship killer. Living your purpose is spending time every day engaged in activities that you are passionate about and that fuel you and enrich you instead of depleting you. And if that’s not happening, then you should seriously consider changing jobs and/or careers until you are doing something that does. Because NO job is worth it no matter how much it pays if it renders you too unhealthy and depressed to enjoy every other aspect of your life.
Living your passion is so important, both for your own health and wellbeing, and that of your relationship as well. I can't tell you how many times I have heard women talk about how attractive some random ass dude is just because he's so passionate about whatever it is that he's doing. Passion and purpose get you laid. Sitting around waiting for someone else to make something happen for you doesn't get you shit.
This goes for around the house too. Don't be one of those goons that lets the fucking dishes pile up for a week. Take pride in your shit. If something needs to be done, do it, even if it sucks. If you contribute to a shitty household by doing nothing, or even worse, expecting your woman to do it all, your sex life will be in the shitter faster than you can blink. And it will pretty much be ALL your fault.
Here's the most simple fix to all your relationship woes: Not getting laid? Is your house a mess? BINGO. And don't just clean once and expect it to buy you a year of sex, numbnuts. Be a fucking man. There isn't one single woman on this planet that walks into a dirty, cluttery, messy room and thinks "God damn this turns me on!"
Be Decisive -
Pick something, anything! Picking something is ALWAYS better than picking nothing. If your woman asks what you want to do for dinner; "I don't know, what do you want?" Is a totally unacceptable answer. If your woman asks what do you want to do today, or what movie do you want to go see; again "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Is totally fucking unacceptable. Why? Because it forces them into the position of taking on a masculine role, which directly destroys your relationship's sexual polarity, which also means you aren't getting laid tonight.
It doesn't matter if you don't really know what you want to do, just pick something anyway. You say "I want fucking burritos for dinner." You say "I want to go play frisbee in the park." You say "I want to see that new Coen Brothers movie." She might not agree with you, or be in the mood to do whatever it is that you initially suggest. But that's ok, at least you said something as opposed to nothing. At least you were decisive and not wishy washy. At least you expressed masculine direction. Then from that point you can have a conversation about it where you suggest more options, and then do whatever it is you both ultimately decide on. Just remember to counter any suggestion of her's that you don't like with a new suggestion of your own. Otherwise it's just as bad as saying "I don't know" in the first place.
Be Affectionate -
This one is kind of a no brainer. I mean, everyone loves affection. Or at least everyone who wasn't raised in an orphanage anyway. And not just the "I'm in the mood to fuck so I'm gonna go up and start grabbing her ass" type of affection. That's not the same thing at all. Your intent should be to make her feel loved and cherished, not like a piece of ass.
Hold her hand when you're walking down the street together. Take time every single day to stop what you are doing hug and kiss multiple times. Cuddle in bed either in the morning or at night, or both. If you have to get up early for work, consider setting a second alarm 20 minutes before your normal one so that you can roll over and spoon before you have to get up for work. Doesn't that sound like a great way to start the day?
Come up to her and kiss the back of her neck while she's doing some household task. Tickle her back or run your fingers through her hair while you're sitting together watching TV. Whatever it is, just do something. And most importantly, don't do ANY of this shit with the intention of it leading directly to sex. Because women have special powers and can see right through that shit. But if you do all of these things out of pure selfless love, it will probably lead to a lot more sex anyway.
Be Respectful -
Your relationship will only be as good as the amount of respect you give your partner. Just like your life will only be as good as the amount of respect you give yourself. If you treat a woman like the goddess she is, then guess what? You'll be dating a fucking goddess! How cool is that?
Here is a short list of very disrespectful yet all too common things you can do to your partner:
- Expect her to cook and/or clean.
- Criticize anything she goes out of her way to do for you - Constructive feedback is different.
- Don't follow through on something she asks you to do, especially if you say you will.
- Do something she explicitly asks you not to.
- Come home late and drunk regularly.
- Engage in any level of dishonesty or deceit.
- Do anything to make her feel anything less than the beautiful empowered woman she is.
- Be loud when she's trying to sleep.
- Downplaying anything that she feels is important or is legitimately concerned about.
- Losing your shit and shouting at her.
And if you aren't able to do ALL of these basic-ass entry level things, then treat her with the respect she deserves by ending the relationship so that she can move on to someone else that will. Then at that point you should spend some time on personal development, and by “some time” I don’t mean a few weeks. More like at least 6 months or more. And once you can live as a whole person unto yourself, once you can pay all your bills on time and have a house that doesn’t look like a college dorm room, then maybe try a relationship again. But in the meantime, you clearly aren't relationship material and no one deserves to be subjected to your lame bullshit.
Be Emotionally Transparent -
Talk about your feelings, a lot. If you are happy, say it. If you are not happy, say it. If the sex you just had was mindblowing, tell her why. Or conversely, if it wasn’t, then explain to her what she can do different next time. If she is beautiful, tell her. If her ass looks hot in those jeans, tell her. If she hurt your feelings somehow, tell her. Don't just wait for her to figure it out. She can't read your mind any better than you can read her's. And for god's sake, don't fucking mope around like a little bitch whenever you make a mistake. I know it sucks when you fuck up and she's pissed at you. Sometimes you just want to crawl in a hole. But instead, take some fucking masculine direction and fix your shit, and don't do it again. That’s ultimately what she wants anyway. Also, practice and get used to sharing your feelings and emotions, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. This is important and it will create a more powerful bond than anything you can imagine.
So I realize that this isn’t an exhaustive list of things that make for a perfect relationship, but these are by far the most common things that I hear women complain about on a regular basis. And I guarantee that if you can manage to get these 6 things nailed down, the quality of your relationships will skyrocket to the point where everything else is just fine-tuning.
And lastly, don’t puss out and skip the book now that you’ve read the remaining steps. Go to Amazon and buy it right now while its fresh in your head. Or if an audio book on the way to work is more your style, then do that instead. And honestly, reading/listening to it one time through is not enough. There is so much amazing info in it that you really need to take it in 3 or 4 times before you really start to “get it.” Our women need more men who understand and practice these concepts. The world needs more men who understand and practice these concepts. And if at this point you’re thinking “eh, that sounds cool and all, but who has time to read a book, let alone 3 or 4 times. There’s beer to be drank and football to be watched.” Then you my friend, are the problem.
You guys. If you need a good kick in the ass - come join me in Reality Rehab. We go over sex ed, intimacy, relationships, health, your job, everything. It will rocket you to the next level. You can try module one of Reality Rehab totally free. Just enter your details here: